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BOLTON TO FIRE SAMMY LEE 18-8-07
Louis Spence
Apparently there is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a keyboard and open a vein. And it is very apt that whilst on the subject of bloodletting there are one or two Premiership managers already feeling the dreaded hand of doom on their collars.
Rule One of Management: Never take over from a big character with a successful record at a small club. You didn't listen did you Sammy? The lure of the earpiece and the sharp suit with your first pair of long trousers proved a smidgin too tempting for you.
So after your defeat at Portsmouth it's all over bar the shooting. Quite how that nice Mr. Garside goes about the grisly task one can only imagine. Nothing personal, and you probably get to keep the match programmes, but it's a done deal.
Still the old boys' network will make sure you don't starve nor seek positions above your lowly station ever again. Thankfully you're below medium height and have mastered the art of speech - so you won't end up stewarding.
The early kick-off only brought the decision forward. 'Arry's arm around your shoulder was scant consolation. And suddenly your watch had gone as well as your job.
A week is a long time in politics. In football - a lifetime. Mr. Jol your team saved your considerable bacon on Saturday by beating newly promoted Derby. The Lily-livers first win of the season has merely emphasised the fact that you cannot win without midfield bite as your expensively assembled engine room was pushed to misfiring by hard running pork and beaners. Just as well you got your long contract tied up Billy. You've just gone up a place in the betting following Little Sam's demise.
Despite Wigan's midweek win over a pathetic Middlesbrough, mechanic-made-salesman Chris Hutchings was still shorter odds than the amiable Gareth to be seeking alternative employment. Their score draw with a grafting garrulous Mackem eleven ensured however that Mr. H still had his name above the manager's door (the proper nameplate IS on its way, honestly Chris). Cloughie's reincarnation Roy the Boy, the Gob from Cobh meanwhile has taken to this management lark like a collier to a coal seam.
Reading versus Everton proved to be the dour draw we all expected. Messrs. Moyes and Coppell are both sound sleepers of late and I am certain that this fixture will be repeated next year at least.
Quite how Boro are to get out of this mess one can only wonder. Two straight defeats for Southgate's men, too many injuries to key personnel and vultures hovering over Yakubu's lifeless body tell their own tale. Just as well for an under-powered Lawrie that they faced this shower early on. Hopefully the only way is up for the Boro, what with the physios on treble-time. Keep that mobile on, Venners!
Sam's Mags did the biz over the Villa and of course the totally unrealistic Geordies are already consulting their atlases to see where the Chumpions' League may send them. Shirtless, graceless and clueless. Needless to say they won't be needing them and neither will the Villains unless they show more firepower.
Steve Bruce got Egg in his face (not a pretty sight) during the formalities following a grafting draw with those who shan't be mentioned. Look out Curbs! - Don't count your chickens! - The Eggman wants better than this!! Brucie is walking the tightrope too having had his fair share of boardroom 'debates'. Mind you don't get your nose out of joint! Horse. Stable door, etc.
Man United were the only one of the perennial top four to come home victorious from Sunday's matches, edging past hitherto unbeaten City in an ill-tempered encounter. Sven's DVD boys are doing him proud but the televisually dumb Guv'ner held sway here, proving once again that victory is the best repartee. The purple people eater strikes again.
Liverpool and Chelsea drew yet again. The Iberian Managers' co-operative is as unstable as ever following a bruising tussle and the teams were at it as well. Jose (there but for the Grace of God goes God) felt his side were hard done to by the ref. Really?!
Blackburn, off to a great start, proved too fiery for Arsene's dilettantes. Maybe it's time you looked for some English steel to augment your Continental rapiers Monsieur.
So there it is. Little Sam's superstitious nature proved him correct - he knew he shouldn't have walked under that black cat. Now he is a manager no more and has learnt one fundamental fact - no matter how cynical you get it's hard to keep up.
As for Boro's manager, lots of people confuse bad management with destiny. Yet he remains likeable- in spite of his unswerving integrity.
And the motto of the Managers Union remains the same.
WE ARE ALL IN THIS ALONE.
Louis Spence
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