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SEX AND MAN CITY 3-10-07
Toby Higgins

With more football than ever before being shown on television, fans of all clubs are able to scout out opponents much more thoroughly than previously, and thanks to the invention of one remarkably simple, but ingenious little game, the most bizarre opinions and support can be grown, carved and shaped. The game is, of course, fantasy football.
The idea of spending £100 on players to craft a side capable of making your mates look like idiots is something that, until the arrival of Roman Abramovich, was a delightfully make-believe, artificial way of proving how much you know about football, and a chance to arrogantly gloat when one of 'your' players scores a hat-trick, as though you personally had influenced it, or even scored it yourself.
Beyond the fun, it also gives a reliable and accurate analysis of which players are scoring, creating, and preventing goals, depending on their respective positions, and, with bonus points now given for the best players according to the Opta Index, even the less creative players, such as Makelele and Boateng have a chance to be rated.
Boro's highest scoring players so far this season are fairly predictable. David Wheater leads Andrew Taylor in defence, Stewart Downing is convincingly clear of the now injured Julio Arca in the midfield, and Mido is the highest scoring striker; which might have something to do with the fact he's the only striker to have scored a league goal for us this season.
With Mido reportedly declaring himself unfit until the visit of Chelsea in three weeks, and Jeremie Daldiadidere sidelined until beyond then, Tuncay Sanli can expect to be rushed back into the first team, as the solitary figure of Lee Dong-Gook doesn't seem to be causing any defenders problems.
As was suggested last week, and is described brilliantly by The Fray's song, Cable Car, everyone knows he's in over his head in this league. If only he'd used his head to better effect at Goodison at the weekend, instead of re-igniting the season long bet with Aladere and Tuncay about who can hit the frame of the goal the most before finally sticking one away.
Tom Craddock's emergence as 'the only other option' is far from an indication that our squad is wafer thin. Over recent years, most sides in the Premiership appear to have concluded that four strikers are enough; something we currently have.
Manchester United won the treble with just four strikers in Yorke, Cole, Sheringham and Solskjaer, but for us the problem is not in the numbers, it's in the quality. Playing with Dong-Gook is like playing with ten men; if he's not in a heap on the floor, he's fouling his defender, thus giving possession away. A total waste of space.
The real problem now is the loss of Arca. He gave the midfield a balance that Boateng never has, and theirs just something abit special about left footed players playing centrally. Not only that, but his and Downing's goals have been crucial so far.
Downing's performances this season have been close to the best he's ever produced in a Boro shirt; he looks lively, interested and willing to get his boots white and beat his man. Goals are a necessity for not just strikers, but midfielders too, and his three so far make him the joint highest scoring Englishman in the Premiership, alongside Frank Lampard. It's presumably Downing's reluctance to make anything like a meaningful challenge that means he'll always be a boo boy target, despite being a fully home grown England international.
In defence, Wheater has, like Andrew Taylor before him, proved that youngsters at the Boro can work their way into the first team. That he has only scored one goal all season is actually a disappointment; he provides ten times the aerial threat of, say, Peter Crouch, and is strong enough to win headers in an attacking position. The decision to use him as a striker in the dying stages against Everton demonstrates this, and is the ultimate insult to Lee Dong-Gook; a striker being replaced by a defender with your side needing to score twice.
Wheater has looked OK, even good, for large periods of this season, and while not being the most technically gifted player, or the most composed on the ball, he's in the team on merit. Alongside him, Jonathan Woodgate has gone about his business with typical unfussiness; though I can't help but hold concerns.
Maybe it's just Woodgate's relaxed, almost even emotionless playing style, but this season he looks like a player who is only running at around 70%. He doesn't look totally comfortable when tackling or jumping, and doesn't always look to be moving entirely freely.
A look at the results so far this season show that clean sheets have been hard to come by; just one in eight games, and while Woodgate has only played five of the eight, his trademark solidarity appears to be somewhat lacking this term.
It could be that he was rushed back into the team against Newcastle, having had no real pre-season due to summer surgery, and is still feeling his way back to fitness, or that he's still trying to form a partnership with David Wheater, or even that our more attack minded side doesn't give the defence the same protection it once did. Or, it could be that he is still carrying an injury, and Southgate can't afford to play without him.
Something that has always surprised me about Woodgate since his arrival is that he never goes forward for corners, which is particularly odd when you consider that our attacking threat from set plays is based almost entirely on Wheater, and now also Mido, as Arca, Boateng, Taylor, Rochemback and Downing are hardly the greatest in the air.
So why doesn't he? Is it fitness/injury related? Or tactical, in that allowing him to advance would leave just Taylor and Boateng stranded on the halfway line to prevent any resulting counter attack? Answers to the usual address; whatever that is.
Sunday's trip to the City of Manchester Stadium holds little promise of an away win, but surprise is never far away with Boro, so I'm refusing to write us off just yet; though Eriksson's side look impressive to say the least.
It'll be the first time we've faced Sven since he became a full time manager in this country, with our former manager now doing his former job. While Sven is clearly a wise and tactful manager, having achieved relative success across Europe, he, like many struggled with the national side. In fact, his successes in England can probably be summed up in four words.
Sex and Man City.
Same time next week.
UpTheBoro
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