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FEAR. EMPTINESS. DESPAIR - 25-10-07
Louis Spence
These are the current FIFA Rankings:
CROATIA 10
ENGLAND 11
RUSSIA 16
ISRAEL 37
MACEDONIA 75
ESTONIA 130
ANDORRA 173
These are the current odds to qualify for the European Championships:
England: Around 7/4
Russia: Around 2/5
And so it has come to this.
England are again in the hands of others to get their European qualifying campaign back on board. Named as the group considered the easiest to qualify from, our national team has once again lamentably failed to get the results they should have done. Nil each at home to Macedonia, nil each away to Israel, defeats away to both Croatia and Russia...
Although I have never been McClaren's biggest fan (too much of the Blair PR schooling about him), I actually feel some sympathy for him. He finally got a team playing well, thanks in no small part to the estimable Gareth Barry, when a ridiculous penalty decision and another dolly dropped by Robinson knocked us right back off the rails.
Yet despite my intrinsic football pessimism (I AM a Boro fan too) I still feel that Israel could well tame the Russian Bear. This would still leave us with the not inconsiderable task of putting Croatia to the sword.
Failure to qualify would once again start the inevitable guessing game on who the next England manager would be. The early front runner is Jose Mourinho followed by Martin O'Neill. After that there is a gaggle that includes Curbishley, Allardyce and Scolari.
It's quite amazing that after the removal of Svennis the Swedish heart-throb, the outcry for a British manager reached a deafening crescendo. Not so loud now are we campers as the horror of the thought of a successive failure (for the World Cup in 2010) has dampened the ardour of the most tenacious of patriots. We'd appoint Janette Krankie if success was guaranteed.
So let us take a quick peek at the current contenders:
Mourinho
Surely too outspoken (Cloughie reincarnated) and intransigent for our pompous puffed-out FA duffers. Never underestimate a man who overestimates himself. I like him but not as much as he does.
O'Neill
A real chance should his hat come sailing in the ring. Would he take it, this whimsical mystery wrapped up in an enigma?
Allardyce
Current record bodes well but the stigma of agent dealings and the 'spat out dummy' would not register well with the blazer boys. Success would not alter him as he has always been insufferable.
Curbishley
Not my choice but I'm sure the FA would smile kindly on him if all else fails. A milk monitor in his youth, Mr. Benign.
Scolari
Whoa oh! Fistycuffs and a refusal to play ball last time may well have cooked his goose. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. In defeat unbeatable, in victory unbearable.
Klinnsman
Our 'worse than average white band' would have to lose one of its only good songs. Being a German he is probably far too efficient and this may well prove too controversial for our panjandrums at HQ.
So it's all to play for as they say.
To whoever is in charge in late November, may I pass on some wonderful advice from Bill Shankly - a motivator of some esteem.
'If you're in the penalty area and not quite sure what to do with the ball, just stick it in the net and we'll discuss all your options afterwards.'
It's another Shankly we need in charge, not one of McLaren's mind motivators.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CONJUROR AND A PSYCHOLOGIST IS THAT ONE PULLS RABBITS OUT OF A HAT THE OTHER PULLS HABITS OUT OF A RAT.
Louis Spence
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