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THE DREAMING DJ (With Inbuilt Music Quiz) 7-9-07
Louis Spence
Last Sunday my partner (female of course) and I went to stay with our friends Alan and Pat (female of course) in Chapel Stile in the Langdale Valley, the heart of the Lake District.
As Monday turned out to be a beautiful sunny day we decided to attempt a long trek in the high fells above the valley, taking in four peaks of over 2000 feet, namely Loft Crag, Pike O' Stickle, Harrison Stickle and Pavey Ark.
We returned triumphant in a state of terminal fatigue and crawled along for some life-prolonging refreshment in the famous Old Dungeon Ghyll Hikers Bar - a 300 year old hostelry beloved of the hardy weirdy beardy rock climbing types that festoon this valley. Like ants. Definitely the non-U type. Bessie, Mabel etc.
Three pints of Old Peculier later we staggered back (and forth) to our lovely little cottage. The lasses cooked up a fine meal as me and Al got stuck into the Chianti (be rude not to). Feeling exhausted we retired to our own quarters - (no, its not that type of story) - to catch up on some eagerly awaited kip.
And I fell into a deep slumber, just like a grim fairy tale. Once upon a climb perhaps? Conveniently for this column, no.
I dreamed that I was the DJ at the Premier League Managers annual shindig. All of our favourite sons were in attendance and thus it became my duty to play a song for each of them.
Incidentally I remember when George Best's Swedish conquest Eva Haraldstad had played 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' for him at a Manchester night club to herald her sad departure back to Skandyhoolyland, unloved and unwanted. George, ever the gallant, returned the favour by having Get Back played for her. You soppy old romantic, Bestie.
Listed next are the songs I chose for our overstressed and overpaid managers. I have removed the names of the singers to enable you obsessive pop quizzers to come up with the answers. All of these were top twenty hits. 'A long long time ago....'
| Billy Davies |
Absolute Beginners |
(5,5) |
1986 |
| Sammy Lee |
I Should Have Known Better |
(3,7) |
1984 |
| Steve Coppell |
Down Down |
(6,3) |
1974 |
| Roy Keane |
Don't Give Up On Us |
(5,4) |
1976 |
| Steve Bruce |
Livin' On A Prayer |
(3,4) |
1986 |
| Lawrie Sanchez |
You've Got Your Troubles |
(8) |
1965 |
| Martin Jol |
Heart of Glass |
(7) |
1979 |
| Harry Redknapp |
Suspicious Minds |
(5,7) |
1969 |
| Gareth Southgate |
You Got What It Takes |
(13) |
1977 |
| Alan Curbishley |
Guilty |
(6) |
1974 |
| Martin O'Neill |
High Hopes |
(5,7) |
1959 |
| Chris Hutchins |
Please Help Me I'm Falling |
(4,7) |
1960 |
| Alex Ferguson |
The Carnival Is Over |
(7) |
1965 |
| Mark Hughes |
Physical |
(6,6,4) |
1981 |
| Sam Allardyce |
System Addict |
(4,4) |
1986 |
| S.G.Eriksson |
Romeo |
(6,6) |
1961 |
| Jose Mourinho |
You're So Vain |
(5,5) |
1972 |
| David Moyes |
Keep On Running |
(7,5,5) |
1966 |
| Arsene Wenger |
Poetry in Motion |
(6,9) |
1961 |
| Rafa Benitez |
Catch Us If You Can |
(4,5,4) |
1965 |
Now then, now then, now then pop pickers. (Join in the jollity Or we'll accuse you of having no sense of humour). When I was young and impressionable I had half a mind to become a disc jockey. Apparently that's all you need.
In the showbiz world I rate them a touch behind actors - and there's plenty of them, you're not fooling this old cynic with your protestations of talent and bi-sexuality you self-serving old chancers - and just before magicians. Why, Lord, why. There's definitely a rabbit off somewhere.
Incidentally I would just love to know if any clubs out there have a good match day announcer? Ours belongs to the DJ's self help group 'On and On Anon'. He suffers from acute petrified adolescence and a total inability to comprehend or cater for the desires and aspirations of the everyday fan. 'Just listening to ME on today's show again, darling'.
It seems quite ironic that London's ineffectual answer to the Mersey sound (circa 1964) was the selected band for the current pacesetters (Clue). The choice for Mr. Jol was no reflection on him, more his stuttering molar-free midfield.
Here for you quiz freaks are your ratings for correct answers.
0 to 5 - You're very young or an amoeba or both
6 to 10 - Maybe you're good at something else. Dot to dot mags, maybe...
11 to 15 - Time to update your music choices. Er. Now!!
16 to 20 - Yeah, Right. Who's zooming who?
If anybody did score over ten would they please ensure they join ComeOnBoro.com as the message board, the funniest in the land bar none, is always on the lookout for fans with some nous and a sense of the absurd. There was an old lady who swallowed a bird etc.
Oh. One last word to any aspiring DJ. Just play the bloody music. Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.
See ya, next week. Same time, same place. Turn on and tune in... AAARRGH!
Louis Spence
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