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PREDICTING THE UNPREDICTABLE 22-4-08
Udayan Mukherjee
As I left the Riverside Stadium on Saturday, I was gutted and angry. However, I wasn't surprised.
It seems that the only thing predictable about this side is its unpredictability. Whether that makes us, by a strange quirk of logic, predictable, is another matter.
It is also a matter that is far too complicated for this writer to comprehend given that, inexplicably, he has just dropped coffee far, far too close to his unmentionables.
"Aaargh!"
The grim inevitability of losing to Bolton was in contrast to the pre-match belief that we had started to show some steel.
Alas, like the rest of the season, any small hints of progression were offset, nay completely obliterated, by an overall performance that could comfortably be described as shite.
It could be said that in the first twenty minutes, we looked amazing. Pace, passing ability and skill were in abundance. We could and should have been four or five goals to the good.
However, when this is repeated every match, then excuses and explanations start to become annoying. I can think of very few games where we have clearly deserved to lose and in many of the games we have lost, we have missed golden chances.
I don't expect players to score wonder goals but I do expect the majority of good chances to be converted. We have been so astonishingly poor in front of goal this season that only Derby County have a worse scoring record.
This season, I have come out of most matches thinking "Why the hell do I keep coming?"
It is normally okay because for all of the inevitable lows, we have a certain number of highs that make the seasons bearable.
This season however, there have been very few.
There have been a number of encouraging performances but there have been very few games I have actually enjoyed.
We have also rarely looked like we could annihilate the opposition. This season, Boro have not scored more than two goals in any one game.
Now, we are looking to end the season just ahead of the relegation candidates in a league that is very average.
That is not to say that there hasn't been positives. Some of the attacking play has been good and when we decide to play the ball on the floor, we have enough technically proficient players to make us exciting to watch.
Unfortunately, when there is no end product, it is ultimately pointless.
My wish for next season - a season that can't come quickly enough - is that we become predictable. That is we win when we are supposed to and lose when we are supposed to. This will mean that we will finish comfortably in the top ten.
In short, I want to be able to come out of matches saying "That was pretty damn good, that". I don't want to be constantly in a 'radgie' whenever I think about Middlesbrough Football Club and I want to be able to bet on them without hemorrhaging money.
I want to be able to write my column without having to account for sounding like a moron the previous week because Boro have flatly contradicted what I had written.
In the meantime, let's see if we can go out and score a few goals against the dirty Mackems, although I don't expect we will.
Maybe because we don't expect it, we will.
At this point, I've confused even myself.
Up the Boro, Down the Boro or whatever.
That's all folks
Udayan Mukherjee
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