Udayan's Corner - Tyne Tease || Middlesbrough F.C. news, reviews and comment

TYNE TEASE 29-1-08
Udayan Mukherjee

Good morrow ladies and gentlegadgies, and welcome to another Udayan's Corner, a column that is slightly better than a Fabio Rochemback corner.

Before I begin my dissection of all things Boro this week, I begin with a glance at our zebra-looking friends up the road.

In a move that recalled the days when men were men and Starburst were Opal Fruits, Kevin Keegan has been reinstated as the man to save the rather cringe-worthy hobbledehoy collectively known as Newcastle United Football Club.

I have no problem with the Geordie Nation as such. Indeed whenever I talk to a Geordie I get on quite well, or as well as one can get on with someone who talks like a monkey with a speech impediment. I jest.

They seem to be lovely people, full of charm and humour (not Shearer, mind). That is until the subject comes around to the sport of football.

When the game is brought up, you see a transformation, one that turns an apparently normal person into something akin to a religious zealot.

Many of us have a kind of fanaticism about football, which, if you think about it, is not a "sane" thing to have. Twenty-two grown men running after a ball? I'd better correct myself quickly; twenty-one grown men running after a ball and Mido ambling? It's bizarre.

Given that I start from a point of insanity, it seems rich that I would proceed to lay into the "Geordie Nation", but the kind of gibberish that is spoken truly defies belief.

Take a look at a Newcastle internet message board for yourself and you will find out what I'm talking about.

In any case, you will have found impossible to escape that Keegan has been appointed manager of Newcastle and has been hailed as the Messiah. In reality, the size of the task that awaits Keegan is much greater than he could hope to imagine.

Newcastle is a club that in terms of playing staff is rotten to the core. No sooner had they got rid of Kieran "Dire" Dyer and Lee Bowyer, they proceeded to bring in horrible little thug Joey Barton.

Watching them against Bolton seemed to reinforce their mediocrity. Their passing and movement was awful and a sneak Bolton win would not have been a particular shock. Not only that but a cup is out of their reach for another season.

Contrasting them to Middlesbrough's style of play would be like comparing chalk to cheese but it remains that we are below Newcastle and will remain so if our form in front of goal doesn't change.

Prior to the match against Blackburn, most people would have been more than happy with a draw away to a team that we don't have a particularly good record against.

The performance was almost the best that we could have hoped for, but like the result the previous week against Liverpool, we didn't get what we deserved.

At times, the movement of the front two and the vision and sheer guile of the midfield was breathtaking, while the defence was, in the main, as solid as a rock.

Unfortunately, we were unable to convert guilt-edged chances into goals and again we failed to pick up the points that we deserved. However, two draws mean that our recent record is actually good and keeps the pot bubbling nicely.

The win against Mansfield, to keep the pot-full-of-stuff analogy going, adds a bit of spice to the mixture because Middlesbrough are now one of only six remaining Premiership teams in the F.A. Cup.

With the right draw we can go quite far in this competition. That is unless we are unlucky, which on the basis of most of our luck since 1876 we are!

Before we get all uppity about the F.A. Cup, we have more important things to think about. The game against Wigan Athletic is one that is worth the proverbial six points, but, erm, is actually worth three.

It is, however, very important to the state of Middlesbrough's season, and the possibility of beginning to leave this relegation nonsense behind us. Alternatively, defeat could pull us right back into the mire.

The pie overlords have again not had the best of seasons but are beginning to look full of fight under Steve Bruce. Their two strikers, Bent and Heskey, have the potential to be thorns in the sides of the Middlesbrough centre backs.

As of today, Tuesday 29th January, the centre backs that might be in for a torrid time does not include the illustrious Jonathan Woodgate. He has now signed for Spurs for a fee of £7m.

Woodgate is a wonderful player, one whose positional sense is as good as anyone in this league. The injuries have taken their toll a bit on his pace but it almost never seems to matter.

Unfortunately, Woody has had his head turned quite easily and offers from Newcastle (reportedly rejected) and Spurs have given him the opportunity to jump ship.

Woodgate's form this season has been poor by the standards he set himself last term and maybe this can be attributed to a lack of stomach for a relegation battle.

In any case, I wish Woodgate all the best. I'd always suspected that he'd play for his home town club some day and I'm glad that he came at his peak, at the age of twenty-seven.

It's unfortunate for us and for him that Woodgate was unable to have the career that he should have had. The drinking and the injuries have taken their toll on the lad's body and rumours of dressing room bust-ups shed an unfavourable light upon him and the club.

We are losing one of our best players but it has to be said that this writer believes that he only has two or three years left at the top before his knees give way and he has to apply WD40 to get himself out of bed.

Woodgate has given us a year and a half of service (admittedly for an allegedly very high wage) with very few injuries, compared to stints elsewhere.

I would rather that Woodgate left for pastures new than Stewart Downing because the latter is, in my opinion, the best left winger that Middlesbrough could hope to have in the team, such is his passing range and comfort on the ball.

Although quotes from Southgate and Lamb seem to indicate that we do not need to sell, an excess of £7m will enable us to finance a deal for Brazilian striker Afonso Alves, a deal that is very nearly complete.

It seems that Boro believe that Woodgate is an acceptable loss. I am merely speculating of course, but rumours of off the field incidents seem to suggest that he is a bad influence.

Nevertheless, Woodgate arrived and helped to steady the ship after Gareth Southgate's arrival as manager of the Boro, and succeeded in helping us do so.

The mooted arrival of Alves from Heerenveen, after scoring a jaw dropping forty-five goals in thirty-nine games in the Dutch league and accumulating eight caps for Brazil, is very exciting and shows that ambition still burns brightly in Steve Gibson and his vision for the future of the Boro.

Up the Boro

Udayan Mukherjee

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